As the beginning of my 33rd year of this lifetime and the ending of my own Saturn Return phase quickly approach I am finding myself reflecting more and more over the last 5 years and just how much has changed and how fortunate I have been to grow.
While I am by no means an Astrological expert I have been quite blessed over the last 5 years to have met and befriended a number of amazing Astrologers who have taught me many things that I carry with me in my own life; knowledge that I freely and passionately share with my own clients. Perhaps the most profound and the most widely shared knowledge is that which I have learned and experienced surrounding Saturn’s Return Phase.
It takes the planet Saturn exactly 30 years to return to the place that it was at the moment you were born. With it, it brings some of the greatest opportunities for Spiritual Expansion and Personal Growth. Think of it like this, your Saturn Return Phase (SRP) is like adding Espresso to your coffee. If you drink the coffee you’re going to wake up……. Add the espresso and you get there a lot quicker. You are going to grow….. its what we are here to do! If you put in the action and do so during your SRP you are going to get there a heck of a lot quicker.
Typically, between the ages of 28-32, 58-62, and I suppose, if you are lucky enough to make it, 88-92 these opportunities for growth are given to us. The phase is usually kicked off by some sort of a massive change or shift. Oftentimes uncomfortable and painful but when said events unfold we have a decision to make. Either we can choose to stay stuck where we are and continue old behavior patterns, or we can harness the power and transformative energies of our SRP and allow it to propel us forward at a much faster rate of speed!
My own journey through my SRP has been an insane ride. One that I was originally unaware I had agreed to, but one that I am so thankful to have been conscious for.
Just before my 28th birthday I decided to leave my 1st ex-husband. Yes, you read that right…… 1st ex-husband. I had been in a toxic and terribly soul consuming relationship for the better part of 8 years and one day I decided I had to get out. I needed to find myself. The real Me. The Me I had lost along the way and the Me I had not yet had the chance to know. Within a month of leaving my husband and becoming a single mother I moved and changed employers.
I not only stepped out of a toxic personal relationship and was dealing with all of the reality checks and emotional “fun” that’s comes along with that but the Light which was ignited by that choice also led me to leave an unhealthy and unfulfilling “job” to unknowingly step into what would become so much more than my “career”. See, the Universe, Spirit, God……..whatever term you are most comfortable with, undenounced to me, had been planting seeds and was now aligning my life to change in ways I could not have even imagined. My unconscious choice to take the conscious action to change something I was dissatisfied with and to not focus on all of the negative implications of those decisions but rather relish in the sense of freedom and happiness I was finding. In doing so I, completely unintentionally, took the biggest step in the right direction I had ever taken. And I was doing so, unknowingly, in total Divine Timing……… Saturn was returning.
I had spent most of professional career working in small business management. Primarily in the sector of retail and I had become quite good at my “job”. During this transition I was hired to manage a local Spiritual Center, The Mystical Moon. While many facets of the job were familiar territory there were of course, seeing as this was a Spiritual Center, a whole new set of experiences and knowledge base I was not versed in. Luckily there were plenty of helping hands, gifted readers and healers as well as a plethora of amazing customers and clients whom would happily and graciously show me the way.
During my time at The Mystical Moon I was blessed to be able to take many classes, to work with some of the greatest Mystics I have ever known, and to study under a Woman who has been my Greatest Spiritual Mentor to date, Laurie Barraco. I began leading Crystal Bowl Meditations at the center and in truth that is when the real magic began to happen. You see, my whole life I have been good at giving advice. I was always that friend. I just thought it was my “gift”. It wasn’t until I began to manage this incredible space and lead these magical meditations that I realized I hadn’t been giving advice at all. This space was a sacred space. One built for and by the light to act as a beacon for Healing and Guidance to those who sought it. The customers and students I was blessed to be advising were coming in with problems I knew nothing about. Things I had no life experience for. Through my own meditation journey and taking some stellar psychic development classes I began to see the truth of my gifts and to understand the subtle differences in the way those Guided thoughts come in versus my own.
One night during a seemingly “normal” Crystal Bowl Meditation everything shifted and nothing has ever been the same again. I had 16 people in attendance that night, most of whom were there on a regular basis, as I played the bowls I opened my channels and called in protection just as I had for months prior. I spoke in my head to my Guides and Guardians, called upon the power and energy of Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael, and I invited the Guides and Guardians of those who were gathered that week to join us as well. Only this time someone spoke back. As the meditation proceeded I began to get what I now know were messages for the souls who were gathered together. I can remember saying in my head “ If I am meant to share this then there will be something for everyone and I will remember it all by the end of class”. (Not a small task in 30 minutes and with little to no experience) To my surprise that is exactly what happened. And so I shared with the class what had happened and asked their permission to share the messages aloud and then I sat there quite nervously in front of a room full of people and just went for it. Through divinity everything resonated for them and as a result I began to get requests for private sessions and the birth of Psychic Nikki Marie came about. I humbly and graciously accepted the opportunity to give up a day of managing the center to take on a day of readings and while taking that financial risk was a big deal for a single mother, who happens to be an Aries, to make, I did it.
As I had spent the last few years growing personally on a Spiritual, Mental, and Emotional level I continued to struggle to find balance in my life Physically. I had struggled with my weight and at this point I was at my heaviest. Weighing 416 lbs I was in a place physically I would never have imagined allowing myself to get and yet I was the happiest I had ever been. I had a job that I loved, friends I adored, a tribe of Spiritual Warriors, and as always a family who had stood by my side in loyalty and love all the days of my life. For the first time in my life I realized the importance of honoring myself enough to work on the physical me and I was fortunately blessed with the opportunity to utilize the tool of weight-loss surgery to get me there. On January 20, 2016 I had the Gastric Sleeve done. With this procedure they permanently remove 85% of your stomach restricting the amount of food you are able to consume while also removing 85% of the hormone produced in your stomach which tells your brain you are hungry. This journey came along with a 5 week liquid diet. 2 of which were prior to surgery. Anyone who thinks this is the easy way out should try not eating for 2 weeks.
Something about not eating for 2 weeks will really put you in your place and strip away a lot of things you would never imagine. I committed myself to journaling and when I was not working I buried myself in my room. While I had tons of support from friends and family I live in a house with 6 people. We are Italian and Irish. We cook a lot. It smells amazing. You get the point. But during this period I really was able to see what I was made of. I was able to consciously test myself and better yet because I was not so distracted by the outside World and I was consuming very little of it I was more acutely connected than I had ever been before. The morning of my surgery is one I will never forget and not for the reasons some may think but because I was scared. Terrified. I had written letters to both of my girls just incase something happened and I didn’t make it. Of course I didn’t tell anyone I was scared……. What kind of an Aries would I be if I did that??? Morning of my surgery I woke up and per usual checked my phone. I must have had over 100 texts, messages, and Facebook posts all from people, some who I would never have expected it, all wishing me well. All praying…… for me. I was literally moved to tears and overwhelmed with the knowing that I would be fine because even if something went wrong nothing could happen with all of those people praying for me. That morning I could literally feel the love, feel the energy, feel the pure intention with which it was being sent and it moved me more than you could know.
When I went into the surgical process I had been dating for some time. Utilizing the wonderful world of online dating I was able to meet lots of great people but no one who offered what it was I was looking for in a partner. I had been actively manifesting a relationship for months and praying that I would meet someone before I lost the weight. I loved me at 400 lbs and in my brain the right man would love me at 400 lbs too. I didn’t want to worry for the rest of my life whether the person I was with would have loved me at my “worst”. Well when surgery rolled around and the right person had not come along I decided to close my online dating accounts and in the process of shutting them down I stumbled upon someone who peeked my interest and we began to chat. We met 6 days after I had surgery and fell in love rather quickly. In fact we were married 1 year and 2 days after meeting online. I loved this man and I believed that he loved me.
Over the course of our short relationship we built a house and lost a house, we attended weddings and funerals, were blessed with new additions to our family, we dealt with health issues amongst ourselves as well as family, we bought a car and a house full of furniture, I left my job and as a result lost a lot of my friends and my spiritual tribe that I loved so dearly, I opened The Gypsy Sea Witch and began Nannying my niece and I lost a little over 230 lbs. After getting married in Jan 2017, things in our relationship changed drastically and I slowly began to lose myself. While I seemingly had everything I had ever wanted there were things that were broken perhaps within me, perhaps within him, probably within both. Finding myself more burdened with depression and anxiety than I had ever been before I made the decision to ask for a divorce because I had worked too hard for too long to lose myself again. No man and no relationship is worth that.
And so as quickly as it had begun it ended. Our divorce was finalized exactly 19 days shy of our first anniversary.
And so here I am on the cusp of my SRP coming to an end and once again I am finding myself in a phase of rebuilding. All we can do sometimes is take this journey called Life one step at a time. Listening attentively for the Guidance we know is being sent to us. I am blessed beyond measure with amazing friends and the most incredible family you could ever imagine. I am reconnecting with old friends, creating awesome new connections and reconfiguring my Tribe. The Gypsy Sea Witch has transformed over the last few months and thankfully is being re-centered to where my original intention was. To offer my services to those who are Guided to me, to facilitate meditations throughout the week as opportunities for healing for myself as well as others and to find balance between being a Mommy and being Me. I feel honored and humbled to have taken this journey and for the opportunity to connect with so many souls along the way.
My journey with Saturn has been an eventful one. One filled with many highs and a few lows. My life is not perfect……. Its not supposed to be. But right now it is perfectly imperfect and that’s fine by me, because the purpose of life, and certainly the purpose of our Saturn Return Phase, is not for life to be all lollipops and rainbows but rather to find the strength, stamina, and faith required to grow through the challenges because they are what make us who we are.
Love & Light,
Nikki Marie, The Gypsy Sea Witch